Dear Reader,
I will be honest. I have no idea how to begin this one so I am just going to through it out there and see where it goes. I left college and my entire life is changing. Yep, you read that correctly. I officially became a rebel and I withdrew from college. I am not in any productions at the moment and I just left my job. I don't know if you know this but I am a bit of a workaholic so you can imagine just how well this transition from having my schedule jam packed with classes, rehearsals, and work, to having literally nothing but self imposed deadlines and projects. It hasn't been going so well. Don't get me wrong. I totally stand behind my decision to leave school and would do it again in a heart beat. I loved my time there but it was obvious that my time there was up and I needed an out. Here are the answers to the two questions I keep getting asked about in regards to my departure from school. Why on Earth would you leave school?! Well, my friends, the simple answer is that it just isn't for me right now. The more complicated answer is that school was giving me massive anxiety and was becoming very hindering to my mental health. I promise I am not trying to be some woe is me drama queen. I was just experiencing lots of anxiety attacks and felt myself slipping farther and farther into depression. I would go to class and feel so uncomfortable and out of place. I was crying just about every day. It just wasn't good. I only felt good in two of my classes and even then I still had this overwhelming feeling that I didn't belong there. I was having a really hard time getting out of bed in the morning to get to class. I felt completely disengaged from my classes and honestly it felt like a complete waste of time. I really didn't want to waste time, not just my own but my instructors as well. One of the cool things about the college I was attending is that because the classes are small the instructors care so much about each student. I felt like my instructors where putting a ton of time and energy into me, which I totally appreciate because I know that it is because they see potential in me as a performer, but it didn't seem fair. I came to realize that I was just using school as a time filler. To keep me busy and occupied, instead of really going out and chasing my dreams. I was just staying where I was comfortable and safe, not because I honestly wanted and needed to be there. So I left and while I still am a complete mess and still battling some of the darkness, it is a bit better and continues getting better everyday. Well, what is your plan now? Honestly, I have no flipping clue. I wish I could tell you that I have the extensive game plan for my future. That every step is laid out and I am working on the execution. I suppose in a way I might but nothing is certain. My entire life feels so different right now. My entire slate has been complete wiped clean and I am presented with a world of possibilities. I feel very disconnected from who I always have been but I do feel as though it is getting better. I have the desire to read again. I am working a new novel, Project Voodoo. I am trying to post more consistently to my social media platforms. I am teaching myself tarot. I am applying for jobs and calling Cosmetology schools. I have projects. I am taking small steps toward something larger even if I don't have a clear vision of that larger picture is yet. I am rediscovering myself because I have realized that somewhere along the way I got lost. I am figuring out where I fit in in this world and what I could possibly have to offer it. It is a mess, I am a mess, but I am owning that and doing my best to make everything work out. I miss being around my friends and like minded people all the time. I miss literally performing everyday. But I know that this is was the right thing for me to do in the end. My true friends will stay in contact and we will hang out. Performances will come and I will be onstage again. Until then I need to focus on me and what makes me happy. I need to start moving forward and excelling instead of being so terrified of success. I have a long ways to go but I am excited to see what the road before me has to offer. Sincerely Yours, Jess
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Welcome!Life is a journey that we all go though. Each journey is vastly different from the next. Yet we are all able to connect to one another through our experiences. We are able to learn from someone else's struggles and victories. Here, I want to share mine with you. Categories
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